My Grandma was admitted to the hospital on wednesday night and had an emergency surgery to remove her colon and work on some other things. She didn't wake up from the surgery till saturday, so when we were with her their was no response. My mom was once in a coma and said that even though they are not awake they can hear you and its a comfort to hear your voice. So I went this week, pulled up a chair to her bed, held her hand and sang to her. At first I sang all the hymns I could think of and then some more praise and worship songs. Then I would read scripture and just pray over her. It was really hard for me because there is no response but it was really good for me to, because I had a sweet time with the Lord thanking Him for the hope we have in HIm. While reading one scripture verse I just started crying at the thought of eternity, death and the realization that we never know when that is and how important it is to be prepared. Its important to live every day in light of eternity. It has been a sweet journey to be with my wonderful Grandma.
I am exhausted due to all of the driving (takes me at least 1 hour each way) but holding on to hope and praying for quick recovery. If you haven't meditated on the thought of eternity I want to ask that you would take a moment and just think and ask the Lord to help you live your life in light of eternity, sharing the story of eternal life (the gospel of Jesus Christ) with others.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Heart Vulnerability
This post is difficult to write, not because of the words but because it is the most vulnerable post I have ever written, making it very hard for me. I believe as a follower of Jesus Christ I am called to be genuine and share what Christ is doing in my life and the seasons and molding He is doing in my hearts. That is why I have decided to write this.
As one of my friends reminded me the other day, there are many seasons in life, they are called seasons cause they change. The season of life I am is wedding season. Its seems like everyone is either getting married, married, engaged or about to be any day. For years I have said that I LOVE being single, and I really do enjoy this season of life, but that doesn't mean that I can't hope, pray and long for the marriage season of life. As the Lord showed me the other day, I can be content in Him, yet still feel a longing for a husband. The Lord has had to soften my heart to show me that its not wrong to feel real hurts and feelings. Sometimes it takes moments like that where our hardened shell is broken & humbled so that God can speak to our wounds.
The other night, after returning from a ministry meeting I arrived home and no one was there. I sat down and it hit me that my little brother was on his honeymoon, my other brother hanging out with his wife, my other brother hanging out with his serious girlfriend, and my parents were off together, just to name a few of my close friends. I thought, well I guess I will take this loneliness and just take the quiet evening to pray and read scripture. As I sat by the lake tears began to pour out from the deepest part of my heart, displaying something I didn't know existed. I was longing and desiring a companion like I have never before. I was pouring out my prayers before the Lord, feeling broken before Him, asking Him to be that in my life. When I was reminded its not unbiblical to desire a husband. In fact God created marriage and its a very biblical thing to desire and pray for. After being out there for a while my parents got home, as I was journaling I heard someone come up. It was my precious Papa, he was coming to sit and talk with me and asked if he could take me out on a boat ride. So we went on a boat ride on our lake and he let me talk, cry and was so compassionate and kind. Then he talked and prayed with me. My dad specifically prayed for my future husband and me in an incredible way. This was such a precious memorable time for me, as the man in my life poured into my heart and encouraged me in the Lord. I am so thankful for such a godly Father. I walked away from that time humbled beyond belief, because I was reminded of my prideful attitude of "I don't need a guy or want one" and how the Lord had shown me that in my vulnerability with Him, that the Lord has me in this season of growing and growing hurts sometimes. It was a healthy and wonderful time feeling something real and working through it with the Lord.
I wrote this not to make me sound like a girl who is dying to get married, because that is not what I am, I am very content on waiting on the Lord; But to encourage all of the other single ladies out there that feel the same way I do sometimes and feel like it is an ungodly way to feel. Sometimes our christianity makes it out like if you aren't completely satisfied, content, and not longing for a husband than you are not walking close with the Lord. I DO NOT believe this is true at all, in fact I think its a healthy stage of life to work through these hurts with the Lord, it doesn't make them totally go away but you grow in great ways through them. You can have an intimate walk with Jesus, being content in singleness yet desire and hope for marriage. That is completely normal and healthy. Just wanted to encourage some incredible single ladies I know that are in a season of waiting on the Lord. Keep seeking HIm, being vulnerable enough so God can soften your heart and mold & make you more like His Son.
Psalm 10:17
LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble;
You will prepare their heart;
You will cause Your ear to hear,
Psalm 5:3
In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.
Psalm 33:20
We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help
and our shield.
Psalm 130:5
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
As one of my friends reminded me the other day, there are many seasons in life, they are called seasons cause they change. The season of life I am is wedding season. Its seems like everyone is either getting married, married, engaged or about to be any day. For years I have said that I LOVE being single, and I really do enjoy this season of life, but that doesn't mean that I can't hope, pray and long for the marriage season of life. As the Lord showed me the other day, I can be content in Him, yet still feel a longing for a husband. The Lord has had to soften my heart to show me that its not wrong to feel real hurts and feelings. Sometimes it takes moments like that where our hardened shell is broken & humbled so that God can speak to our wounds.
The other night, after returning from a ministry meeting I arrived home and no one was there. I sat down and it hit me that my little brother was on his honeymoon, my other brother hanging out with his wife, my other brother hanging out with his serious girlfriend, and my parents were off together, just to name a few of my close friends. I thought, well I guess I will take this loneliness and just take the quiet evening to pray and read scripture. As I sat by the lake tears began to pour out from the deepest part of my heart, displaying something I didn't know existed. I was longing and desiring a companion like I have never before. I was pouring out my prayers before the Lord, feeling broken before Him, asking Him to be that in my life. When I was reminded its not unbiblical to desire a husband. In fact God created marriage and its a very biblical thing to desire and pray for. After being out there for a while my parents got home, as I was journaling I heard someone come up. It was my precious Papa, he was coming to sit and talk with me and asked if he could take me out on a boat ride. So we went on a boat ride on our lake and he let me talk, cry and was so compassionate and kind. Then he talked and prayed with me. My dad specifically prayed for my future husband and me in an incredible way. This was such a precious memorable time for me, as the man in my life poured into my heart and encouraged me in the Lord. I am so thankful for such a godly Father. I walked away from that time humbled beyond belief, because I was reminded of my prideful attitude of "I don't need a guy or want one" and how the Lord had shown me that in my vulnerability with Him, that the Lord has me in this season of growing and growing hurts sometimes. It was a healthy and wonderful time feeling something real and working through it with the Lord.
I wrote this not to make me sound like a girl who is dying to get married, because that is not what I am, I am very content on waiting on the Lord; But to encourage all of the other single ladies out there that feel the same way I do sometimes and feel like it is an ungodly way to feel. Sometimes our christianity makes it out like if you aren't completely satisfied, content, and not longing for a husband than you are not walking close with the Lord. I DO NOT believe this is true at all, in fact I think its a healthy stage of life to work through these hurts with the Lord, it doesn't make them totally go away but you grow in great ways through them. You can have an intimate walk with Jesus, being content in singleness yet desire and hope for marriage. That is completely normal and healthy. Just wanted to encourage some incredible single ladies I know that are in a season of waiting on the Lord. Keep seeking HIm, being vulnerable enough so God can soften your heart and mold & make you more like His Son.
Psalm 10:17
LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble;
You will prepare their heart;
You will cause Your ear to hear,
Psalm 5:3
In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.
Psalm 33:20
We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help
and our shield.
Psalm 130:5
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Wedding CRAZINESS
Sorry I haven't posted in a while, life has been just CRAZY. My baby brother Tim just got married on Saturday so needless to say we have been in wedding mode for quite a few weeks. We had several precious family drive all the way from Wisconsin to come celebrate with us, so that was a special treat for them to stay with us. On top of family and friends coming in town, my AMAZING mom and I (and some help from our family) cooked all of the food for the reception( 350 people) and for the rehearsal dinner (50 people) on top of all the normal stuff. We had a blast at the wedding and are BEYOND excited about their union together in marriage. God truly wrote their love story, and it is so encouraging to see Him leading and blessing them along the way. Rachel is a huge treasure to our family and I am so grateful for a sister-in-law who loves the Lord, her family, and TIM :)She will be a great help mate to him as they journey through this life together.
The ceremony was beautiful and I was not planning on crying, but when Rachel walked down the aisle and Tim began to cry I lost it. What a precious time it was as they exchanged vows before their dear family and friends, together taking the covenant of marriage. A sweet song called "home" was sung, with words talking about no matter where you go, where you are is home.
The reception turned out pretty good as well, with the highlight being Tim singing his original song that he wrote for her. It was a complete surprise to her, and she cried as he played his guitar and sang of their love. Some of the words are this " 1,2 all that we need is just me and you, everything will be alright, be just fine forever, every day will talk and we'll pray just the two of us, nothing but trust, what God has formed, let no one come between you and me..................."We have come as two today, and we will leave as one." It was PRECIOUS! Then they drove off to have a honey moon on the cruise.
After the wedding a bunch of my family and friends came to party at our house. All of us younger people :) took a trip to star-bucks, then remembered the next day was Mother's day and made a trip to wal-mart and publix to get our gifts. We had a lot of fun in the car dancing and just hanging out. Then when we got home we ate (again) and had a dance party out side by the lake. We had a lot of fun but everyone didn't' leave till 2am so it was a long day for all of us.
It was a huge blessing to have all our dear friends and family in town :)
Mother's day was wonderful but we weren't recovered from the wedding and still had guests in town so it was not a normal celebration. But I certainly do have the BEST mom in the whole world. She is truly my hero and friend. She not only teaches me about the Lord, but she leads with her example in every area, whether its being a godly supportive wife, being domestic and taking care of your family, mothering or mentoring she is just amazing! I am truly a blessed girl.
Overall it was a wonderful weekend with great memories, however I am still exhausted, and not at all recovered.
Sorry about the random thoughts that are not very organized but at least its written. Here are some pictures from the weekend.
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